A while back I made a short post about reaching out to those you regret losing touch with. And yet seemingly I do not like the taste of my own medicine.
Oftentimes I find it hard enough to start a conversation with (increasingly even responding to) people I am in more regular contact with. What if I say the wrong thing? Why are those ticks still grey? Oh man, I've annoyed them already haven't I? Why did I even bother? All aboard the shame train! Until ultimately they respond, and it's a normal message with no sign that any of my thoughts since sending the message were true, and the anxiety dissipates... Until the next message.
Sometimes, I'll see a post on one of the many forms of social media that I like. I'll start typing out a comment to reply, agonising over every letter, reading and re-reading the completed sentence. Is it nice? Does it come across weird? I wrote a funny comment on their post before and... Nothing. It was gold! Wasn't it? The probably don't like me, or at the very least I've annoyed them. So I delete everything, and if I haven't completely destroyed my confidence by that point I will hit the like button and move on.
It's not like I don't try, but the longer it's been, the harder it is, and so the longer it takes. And then I probably try too hard, and overwhelm not only myself but the other person too...
Am I overthinking again? Absolutely I am. Can I do anything about it? Probably. But what if I do it wrong. Ah, yes, I guess it's easy to overthink overthinking, even.
Anyway, if I've been a bit quiet of late - know that it's probably not personal, my brain is just stupid.